Appreciate Good Bosses

 

The pandemic has created huge debts and bankruptcy. Many of our friends and family are out of work and unemployed with many businesses now out of service. 

I have spoken to many of my business owner friends, they are struggling to survive and keep their full-time staffs. They could have chosen the easy route to fold but they are determine to stay in the business to provide for the staffs' livelihood. Their grit, kindness and integrity is admirable!

If the company you work for continues, no pay reduction or retrenchments; give respect for what the owner(s) must be going through to keep it going. 2020 is about survival, leave the daily complaints and anything else minor behind. Be thankful and show respect for what you have. Work hard and show your boss/owner/company the appreciation they need and deserve.


#pandemic2020
#appreciate
#appreciateboss

#thankfultobeemployed

Treating others

The golden principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated.

Etiquette of feeding stray cats and dogs

Being responsible with feeding strays and managing your pets

 

I designed this poster to create awareness on etiquette of feeding stray cats and managing pet dogs poo. Email me if you need the high-resolution file

Recently I adopted the habit to feed the stray cats. There are a number affectionate cute cats in my neighbourhood. 

One night, while giving surplus steam fish to street cats near my home, a guy approached and thanked me for feeding them. As I spoke to him, I got amazed that there are a group of residents who had been feeding the stray cats dutifully for the longest time. I got introduced to the group and they graciously taught me the proper ways of feeding the strays. Goodness! I wasn’t aware that a simple act of feeding the strays could have dire consequences. 😿

While we are engrossed in the kind act of feeding the strays, it is essential we maintain the discipline to serve them food on containers or papers; and clear it up after the animals had finished eating. Leftover food attract pests, and it will cause unhappiness among people staying in the community. The pests and mess of leftover food will cause people to complain to the authorities about the strays and cost the lives of these innocent animals. We have to keep the environment clean so that the animals and residents can reside together in harmony. Please avoid letting our “kind” actions cause the strays to be culled. 

Cats are really smart. When I carry food to feed them, they will suddenly appear and gather around me. They know instinctively. I learnt from the group to lead the strays to a less crowded area before feeding them. Some people are uncomfortable with animals, thus we try not to feed the strays at high human traffic areas. 

This group of animal-lovers residents also donated money regularly to get the stray cats in our vicinity neutered. This greatly helps to maintain the population of the cats and prevent the existing ones from being culled. This bunch of animal lovers are open-handed, big-hearted who truly inspires! Wish more people will be caring, kind and considerate like them! 😻

Happiness is Infectious

 

This image makes my day!

8 Review Questions Before Cutting Toxic People Off

"I dropped people off with no warning, I getting too old to explain to others."
"Cut toxic people off immediately!"

I read memes like the above and it made me ponder – we do no hesitate to dispose things away when it's of no use to us nowadays, should we apply the same mindless attitude to our relationships?

For those who are active in social media, you might have the unfortunate experience of being unfriended by people. People whom you are clueless why they have blocked you. Nobody likes to be thrown away like dirt. It's sad and frustrating.

In the light of being fair, authentic and doing to other fellow humans how you would want to be treated, I propose we consider these 8 questions before we cut people off.

1. Have I feedback to this person about his/her negative behavior constructively? Feedback on the area how his/her actions affected others, without assuming they know they are in the wrong.

2. Have I bothered to learn how to handle him/her with care and respect?

3. Have I done anything to cause this person to react in this way to me?

4. Is this person always behaving negatively? Does he /she happen to be in low-points of their life and all they need is a kind soul to listen to how they feel or some space to be alone?

5. How can I help as a fellow human without affecting me?

6. Is it realistic to expect everyone to be always positive, upbeat and saying things that we want to hear?

7. Is this person simply irritating? Does he/she deserves to be unfriended?

8. Is this person abusive and manipulative? I totally agree that we have to set boundaries with harmful negative toxic people to protect ourselves. Flee from violent dangerous people if need be.

After considering the above and if we decided to end a relationship; TRY to close it amicably safely so that both parties could move on and learn positively from it. The world is small, we never know the relationship we end today might come in need tomorrow.

ADA Cafe

ADA Cafe Singapore

ADA cafe is set up by Alzheimer's Disease Association, Singapore. It is one awesome cafe build with love! Located at the sparkling new Agape Village, the menu is very affordable! The friendly team here serves western food. Let's give them the love and support they need! :)

A fatherly waiter took this photo for me

Tasty Ebi Prawn Pesto Pasta

Cheerful air-conditioned cafe

Western set lunch that cost less than S$10!

Address: 7A Lorong 8 Toa Payoh #01-01 Agape Village Singapore 319 264.

Opening Hours:
Mondays-Fridays: 8.30am- 5.30pm
Saturdays: 8.30am- 2pm.

Ambience: 9 out of 10.
The ambience is quiet, bright and cozy. Suitable for business meetings.

Cleanliness: 10 out of 10

Remarks: For those who are driving, park at Agape Village.

Is respect to be earned?

Many times, I've heard people exclaimed this phrase "respect is to be earned". Others might buy it as a valid reason. But I see it as an excuse for arrogance and defiant behavior.

Respect is base of every healthy relationship. A person who has good self-esteem and upbringing will regard others with respect. Why should others make extra effort to earn their basic respect? Jeez, who do they think they are? Would their commanders have to gain their respect first before instructing them to dig the trenches?

If a person is so calculative as not to give a fellow human the respect they deserve, or disregard the social graces of society, then I gathered this selfish arrogant person is not going to respect me unless it benefits them. Such a person is not going to be a sincere friend anyway. I will be happier without them.

We hear people feeling indignant all the time. Parents getting furious with their kids and vice versa... Colleagues feeling disgruntled among each other...  Nations putting embargo... all because of the lack of respect. I realized, respect is a huge word with chain consequences.

Having seen and heard from friends on how they felt when their boundaries are being pushed. Having to apologize to folks who I had unknowingly upset their feelings. I've learnt and gathered 5 areas to give respect to:

To get respect, show respect first.

With these keys in mind, let it guide our relationships peacefully.

Golden Days

Trust God's golden goodness overflowing abundantly in our lives.

During coffee shop talks, it is so easy to compare and lament how affordable standard of living was, and easier to earn a living during the 80s and 90s... While these "Good Ol' Days" conversations may seem harmless, constant exposure might affect our mindset in the long run— causing us to be more skeptical, uneasy and fearful.

Today, I woke up and saw the STI dropped. My waves of thoughts start to turn choppy. I felt the desire to pray and God reminded of me Psalm 23.6 — an uplifting, assuring promise that gives a mighty sense of tranquility. I felt much at ease after reading it and God prompted me to create the above poster to bless the folks online. 

Now that I am better aware, whenever I hear bad news, I would chose to focus on this precious promise of His and envision His bountiful supply of grace to continue to overflow in all my days. Hope this verse blesses your days too.

4 Types of Lousy Lovers

I categorize 4 types of men to avoid in romantic relationships and offer advice for these men (in blue). As a fair person, I will cover on the types of females to avoid in my next post.


Natural Charmer — treat relationships as hobbies
Usually very good-looking, affectionate or sweet talker, the natural born Casanova genuinely love women, enjoy dating and wowing them. Because of his magnetic personality, ladies will approach him. His playfulness will prevent him from staying in a relationship.

He might settle down with a woman when he gets tired of changing partners. 


Wannabe — treat relationship as social tools 
Insecure and self-absorbed, women are objects to satisfy his lust and ego or validate his social worth. As he are very manipulative, he could get women and dump them who are no longer useful to him without blinking his eyelids. He does not treat women with care, love or respect. Love scammers belong to this category. They will keep lying to suck more money from women.

He needs guidance to fill his deep emotional void and develop healthy perspective about females and relationships.

Self-proclaim expert — treat relationships as qualification
Being eligible, he could go into relationships with ease, however he could not maintain it for long due to his jaded arrogance, unwilling to compromise and lack of self-evaluation. He tend to complain and conclude that women are difficult based on the huge number of ex-girl friends he had. He feel that having more ex-girlfriends than usual people qualifies him to judge women and reject feedback from others. People like him makes me ponder "does having more ex make you a better lover?" More does not equate better.

After he consider others feelings plus feedback and get healed from his stubborn ways, he might become the love expert that he claims to be.


Faithful on paper — treat relationship as room mates bound by social contract
Neither good-looking, charming nor loving, he remains with the spouse for decades not because of love; but simply because of convenience or lack of better alternatives. Outsiders might see him as faithful to remain in marriage but his partner view him as unappreciative, uncaring and irresponsible. His wife have tried to encourage him to be romantic but he is too bored to be bothered. His sense of commitment is paper thin, as he does not provide any form of support to the marriage —  doesn't helping out at home during his off days, does not attend family birthdays or festivals nor shower the family with attention, gifts or money. He is busy with his own life. Men in this group are emotionally, physically or financially uninvolved towards their family. It can be unbearably lonely to be married to him.

He has to find out the causes for his need to be detached from his loved ones and deal with it.  He has to recognise that conscious effort has to be made for a marriage to glow. Women are easy to wow if he sincerely cherish his long time partner. Putting a little effort and creativity would add happy spice to his mundane life, put smiles on his partner's face and win him the golden title of a good lover!

Dating Safety Guidelines

Ladies, safety on first date is important irregardless of age. Lydia, principal life coach of LoveAgain.sg and CliqueWise.sg, shares some valuable tips to ensure that your first date experience is both safe and rewarding. She has been designing and facilitating singles events since 2006.

Before You Meet
Ask a lot of questions when communicating and look out for inconsistencies or requests for money. Take note if you are suspicious of anything. Use common sense. No need to feel obliged to meet that person just because he or she pressured you to do so.

Meet in Public
When both of you decide to meet face to face, pick a public location where other people are in close proximity. Avoid secluded places. Inform a close friend, colleague or family where you're going and who you are meeting. Let them know when you return from the date or you could arrange to meet up with friends after the date. When meeting for the first time, never allow your date to pick you up from your home. At the end of the date, your date might offer to send you home. You may suggest to him to walk you to the bus-stop or taxi stand instead.

Bring Your Mobile Phone
Carry your mobile with you so that you can contact your family or friends for help if need be. Please ensure the battery is charged.

Tune To Your Instinct
During a date, listen to your gut feel, if you are feeling uncomfortable with that person, leave immediately. If you need a second opinion, excuse yourself and call someone you can trust to discuss.

Dressing
Don't overdress or dress too revealingly as you may project the wrong image and invite unwanted trouble.

Be Alert
You are going out on a date with someone you barely know. Take your time to get to know the person, one step at a time and at your own pace. Never let your guard down because you are having great chemistry together. Never assume a man is safe just because he claims to be religious or a gentleman.

Alcohol
Alcohol or drugs affects your judgment and lessens your inhibitions. If possible, avoid alcohol on your first date. Drinking heavily and getting drunk on first date does not reflect well on you too.

Getting to know your date can be fun and exciting. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you’re creating a better opportunity for yourself.

Written for Wow-Her.com on 22th May 2008

Love Scams 4

After I've blogged about love scams, a lady —Ms M— shared with me a terrible experience she had with John, a local guy she met online recently.

According to Ms M, she had spend about S$ 4000 during their dates and lend him S$ 1000 before he disappeared. Later, she found out from his online profile that a few ladies had been cheated by John too. They had made a police report and requested that I help to inform the rest of the singles about this man.

Ms M had provided me his photos and screen capture of his profile. My comments are in red.

Please click on the image to read the details

Above is the screen capture of his online profile which he used to meet ladies and get them to pay for his expensive toys and meals. After that he will borrow money from them and disappear. One of the ladies commented on his profile that he cheats women of money while the other threatened to make a police report. He might have changed his car plate and telephone by now.

Here is Ms M's account in blue:

"I recently met a guy from Tagged who goes by the nick-> John T. He says his name is John Tan and his chinese name is called Shao Liang. His mobile no is 9793 4XXX. By the way he tells people that he works as a flight engineer. According to him, he said he is working with this company called Bombardier (which is located at Seletar Aerospace). He drives a weekend plate Mitsubishi Lancer which is red in color with no plate as 1068. He claims to have an elder brother who is already married and he is single and living with his mum. He mentioned that his dad is a retired chief SIA pilot trained in 747 and his mum is a retired teacher and he says he stays around East Coast. He says his birthday is on the 9th June. 

I met him on the night of 30th May 2014 (Friday) and we proceeded to a place near Haji Lane for drinks and talked the whole night through. He says that he knows how to play the piano and is also completed his grade 8. We chatted the whole night and we ordered only 2 Fiji Mineral Water and 1 Normal drink (Lime Freeze). Subsequently I went to the toilet and he settled the bill which I saw he paid using credit card. 

We went out again on the 1st June 2014 (Sunday) and I treated him to a dinner at Prive. He ordered so much food which was impossible to finish by 2 people. Subsequently I treated him to drink at 1-Altitude as well.

He acted to gentleman and even drove all the way down to my office at Tanjong Pagar during lunch time to give me flowers and said the ERP and the S$20 for the red plate charge didn't bother him.

Then on Tuesday, 3rd June 2014, he booked an expensive place-> Shinji Restaurant at Raffles Hotel and we went for dinner. He again ordered the most expensive set and I only ordered the cheaper set and he even ordered Sake. Once again, he said i owed him a treat cause I lost my bet and i was made to settle the bill again which was a whopping S$ 950!!! At the time, I asked him as a flight engineer how much does he earn exactly and he said about S$ 10000 a month and he even showed me his wallet had about S$ 3000 in cash.

I told him his standard of living was way too high and this isn't the high of life I am used to. So he said its ok Thursday (5th June 2014), he will bring me to Equinox and buy me back a meal. Then he suddenly told me since his Birthday is coming on the 9th June 2014 and he wanted a remote control car.

I told him sorry I am not able to afford what he wants but he insisted that we went to see since he already ordered the car. The shop is at Orchard Plaza called S'wan Trading. I refused to pay for him and told him since you ordered it yourself you pay for it yourself. But he beg and beg and he said why don't you pay for it first and I'll pay you pay in cash. Naively I believed him and I paid for it using my credit card which cost another S$ 2000. After that as we felt it was too early to proceed for dinner, we went to Marina Sqaure -> Yamaha Music School and he even showed me that he knows how to play the piano. He played 2 songs-> Canon in D Major and 听海 by 张惠妹. After that we left for Equinox. 

At Equniox, he ordered a lot yet again. Like he have never eaten in his whole life. We sat through and chatted and when it was time to settle the bill, he said "oh no, he can't find his wallet" probably left them in his car and he needs to go to his car to find. The restaurant manager was pressing for me to settle the bill and he didn't dare to come up and asked me to settle it for him first. I eventually did and the meal cost S$ 700+. In the car, he told me he didn't have cash and he needs to borrow S$ 1000 from me. I told him I didn't bring my ATM card then he was like begging and begging and I finally relented and went to withdraw S$1000 from him. 

Subsequently I haven't seen him from Friday till today (Sunday, 8th June 2014). I suspected he blocked me on Whatsapp but he didn't block me from calling him. I need to warn ladies about this guy. From what I know he borrowed S$3000 from another lady as well and disappeared." 

From the information Ms M provided, he looks physically fit, have dark skin tone, big nose, small eyes (single eye lids) and short black hair. He wears white polo tee-shirt usually.

The ugly face of greed

Ladies, please take note as he is still active online looking for sugar mummies. He even got intimate with some of the ladies whom he had taken money from. Imagine the anger, betrayal and disgust these ladies would have felt after they know his true colors! Friends and families, please forward this to all the single females to protect them from being hurt emotionally and financially!

8 Sure Ways to Snuff Out Romance

Valentine’s Day is here to remind us to cherish our partner and set aside this day to celebrate with them. At times, we are too caught with the stress of living that we neglected the purpose of this special day. Romance is like candlelight that needs to be maintained with gentleness and care. Snuff out the flame and more efforts would be required to re-light the fire again. Thus, be aware of these behavior that could extinguish the tender feelings silently…

1) Critical
The chicken should be marinated longer...
You shouldn’t use plural whenever you use the word…
You should shave...

Some perfectionist got so WHINY, not only they spoil the mood, they miss out on the fun of the occasion totally. In the bible, Jesus confronted Martha for fretting over the small stuffs and direct her to focus on enjoying his companionship instead.

Nit-picking on the smallest details frustrates people, especially the person who plans the date. The partner felt the critic had undermine the sincerity and efforts that was put in to plan the date. Feeling unappreciated, I wonder if their partner will ever try to romance their demanding partner again…


2) Calculative
Being calculative over the amount spent on your date just spells out loud that your fear of being shortchanged super exceed the love for your partner. That said, everyone hopes their efforts would be reciprocated with appreciation.


3) Dishonest
Imagine constantly trying to catch and match the consistency of the words and actions. It can be very tiring to date a chronic liar. Without trust, how can your date let their guards down and let the loving feeling glow?


4) Unfaithful
Victims of unfaithful partners would be too consumed with bitterness to appreciate any romantic gestures. Some adulterers are unaware of the hurt they have caused their partner; they thought that an expensive bag or dinner would do the trick of rekindling the love. Not so easy! The key to reconcile is to sincerely apologize and repent. Feelings of betrayal and anger have to be appeased before any romance can be established.


5) Insecured
Am I attractive? 
Am I fat?
Do I look good in purple?
There are folks who are so self-absorbed with their own issues and insecurities, they fish for compliments and assurances throughout the entire conversation. Their date end up feeling used as a tool of validation.


6) Offensive
No matter how sexy you think you are; being rude, loud or inconsiderate utterly puts people off.


7) Yo Brother! Hey Sister!
Do this only when you wish kill every possibilities to kiss him or her (applicable to Christians too).

By acknowledging your date as a sibling, you are putting your date into the “friend-zone”. He or she will get the drift and AUTO log-out of “romance mode”. Any idea of romance thereafter would suggest incest. Eeks…


8) Spoilt
Princess or prince wannabes think that by being unrealistically demanding, it will keep admirers on their toes to impress them.

Winning the heart of these haughty might seems challengingly fun for the admirers at first. Over time, it can be very demeaning to be the slave. Once these admirers realize they are looking for an equal partner (to love and support each another), and not a royalty to please. Poof!!! They will scram for freedom!


Hope these 8 tips gives you a better picture of an enjoyable Valentine's Day with your partner. 

Recycle Wheelchairs

The screws on my mum's wheelchair were rusty and loose. We wanted to buy her a new wheelchair and wondering how to dispose the old one when my resourceful sister told me about this organization.

Their office at a voideck of HDB

Mobility Aids Services & Training Centre
Address:  Blk 254 Tampines Street 21 #01-464 Singapore 521254
Tel: 67839023
Website: http://kampungsenang.org/

Opening hours:
9am to 5.30pm (Monday- Friday)
9am to 1pm (Sat)
Closed on Sunday and public holidays

Mobility Aids Services & Training Centre at Tampines is a charity organization that collects used wheel chairs, commodes, walking aids or hospital beds.  They even offer to collect these equipments from your home (within Singapore).

The room that used living aids are given  facelift

Mobility Aids Services & Training Centre will repair and refurbish the donated mobility aids/ hospital beds so that it is working well before they rent it out. In our aging society, organization like these serves 2 important purposes of defraying the cost of living aids for the needies and recycling to protect our earth's resources.

Many models to chose

We are for recycling. We gladly gave Mobility Aids Services & Training Centre Mum's old wheel chair so that they could revitalize it to be usable again.  They have a huge collection of living aids, some of them are relatively new! We decided to rent one from them instead of spending a few hundred dollars on a new one. The fee for renting a wheelchair is S$80- S$100. There is no time limit to the rental of their equipments. Excellent for folks who are terminally ill or immobile.

Mum's new horse

Mum tried on a few wheel chairs and selected this one which suits her height and lifestyle.

Thank God for organizations like these, they have to receive donations to support their operations. On this season of giving, let's donate to them (via their website) or share this post to create awareness about their services so that more can be blessed.

Anti-Haze

Singapore skies thick with haze

With PSI at new high of 321 due to the fires from neighbouring countries, I am concerned over the health and well-being of Singapore. Besides praying for rain to cool and cleanse the air, I am prompted to share these:

9 Protective Measures Against Haze

1. Drink more room-temperature water
   Avoid pouring cold water down your throat as it may induce cough in this harsh weather.
2. Eat more fruits
   To strengthen immunity, especially our lungs.
3. Stay in door
   Hide from the harsh and dry elements. Exercise at home or in the gym instead.
4. On the air conditioner
   Filter off the pollutants.
5. Clean aircon filter
   As the filter would be working doubly hard these few days.
6. Put indoor plants
   For natural fresh supply of oxygen in your room.
7. Leave a wet towel in your room
   Let the wet towel absorb the burnt particles in the air.
8. Invest in an air-purifying device
   Thanks to the wonders of technology, we could clean the air we are breathing at the press of a button. Do get those with filter papers that will trap the dusty air particles.
9. Wear mask when outdoor
   Do prepare eye drops in case the dryness stink your eyes.
   
   Why let the haze dull us up?! Now is the best time to shop for a comical mask. Or decorate our medical mask to cheer everyone up!

Who needs a holiday?

A facebook quote sparked this post.  

"Instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don't need to escape from." ~ Seth Godin

This reminds of my discussion with a workaholic friend. He enjoys his job tremendously and shared how puzzled he is by people who is constantly looking towards holiday. Another guy said he is very weary of dating girls who are always out of the country for vacations on every long weekend. He does not understand why they are so upset with their life that they have to opt for escape with every chance.

We were not referring to of people who travel once or thrice a year to experience adventure, explore a new culture, get new inspiration or experiencing fun family time. Neither are we referring to expats who wants to maximise their time and proximity to explore other parts of Asia while they are in Singapore. Nor retirees who have the time and  money to travel around the world.

Here, we are referring to a group who could be stressed, unhappy or bored with their current life to the extent they always feel the need to escape out of their country to feel SANE.

These "escapists" may be leading a miserable life due to the following:

1. They are ego-driven — having the continual need to win, put others down or boast about themselves in order to feel moments of superiority. While they might be successful in their careers, the price of expressing their egos too readily leaves them feeling really lonely and unloved. This feeds into the vicious cycle of making them suspicious, untrusting and unloving which will ultimately cause them to feel emotionally tensed and tired.
2. They are always fending off attacks from people in point 1 at the workplace. Their workload is beyond them. However, due to other commitments, they dare not leave their jobs. They require holidays to relax their defences.
3. People with family issues to handle. They feel they can't let go of their responsibilities emotionally. Eg: Caregivers. They seriously need holidays to prevent being burnt out.
4. People who finds crowded city life too tough to cope.
5. People with low self-esteem who lack the ability to connect with others and themselves on a deeper level. They crave for holidays or entertainment to fill the emptiness in their lives.

If such is the lives they lead, they will need to find ways of escaping.

Some might argue traveling is fun, we travel while we are young and mobile. But adventures, new experiences and challenges come in many forms. Learning to play a new musical instrument, foreign language or sports can be fun, healthy and exciting too. So actually there is no need to go overseas to get it. Once in a while, a trip for a refreshing change/inspiration is perfectly fine. But if someone has to go for holidays constantly to "escape", then there might be a deeper void inside that one has to look into, besides the financial one. One might even start by thinking about a staycation as an option and as a good way to question yourself the need to go overseas..

Before we spend thousands of dollars on holidays, what we might really need is a mirror. I liken a good life coach as a mirror. A mirror to reflect who we are. A life coach would encourage us, teach us ways to manage stress, build our sense of emotional well-being, broaden our mindset and guide us to discover our happiness in life. Our joys and passion are best developed when we understand ourselves better.

Besides engaging a life coach for an one on one coaching sessions. There are other ways to self-discovery:
1. Feedback from honest, kind and wise close friends and family members
2. Divine revelation from God
3. Self-improvement workshops
4. Personality tests
5. DNA fingerprint test

Once we know our personality, motivation and talent, we are able to find passion, confidence and joy.

In future, prior to bursting our hard-earned money or exhausting ourselves from tight and tiring overseas holidays, do consider what we really need. Is it a holiday, a change or a reflection?

Fake or Real Personality?

Recently I have been interviewed by a magazine for tips to avoid jerks/fakes online. I offered the advice but felt more have to be touched on this topic...

What to do when you are approached by a stranger online and he/she sounds sincere, fun and friendly. Usual thing to do is an internet search on the person, access if the information given is authentic.

Before the internet era, we probably need to hire a private investigator or break into someone’s house to find compromising photos. Now people like to upload photos and information on social media. Making a person’s background more accessible. We get to know more about a person and his activities that he may have already forgotten. But do we really know them base on these scraps of content?

You might see this person a witty gentlemen while chatting on the net, but you also discover photos of him cross dressing as a mermaid in suggestive poses. But it does not necessarily mean that he has dual or conflicting personality. It will be too rash to block him immediately.

How many of us have done crazy harmless acts during a party or celebration; especially after some alcohol, but it does not reflect our usual personality. Does it mean we are bad? Should we be rejected because of these?

I have come across people who put offensive images on their social media account, speak like a gangster on the forums, but mummy’s boy at home.

Many of you are familiar with the boss who speaks like an angel to her husband over phone, but yells like a devil over the trivial stuffs in the office. If we could wear a different mask for different environment, then it is only logical that our online persona could be slightly different from our real personality.

Online offers an avenue for people to express themselves what they wish they could be in real life. The artificiality of non face to face communication offers confidence for some people to express a part of themselves not normally possible while for others, it is an easier platform to lie and exaggerate. In life, pessimistic as it may sound, the general rule is if something is too good to be true, chances are it is not.

Real life is not like a romantic commedy. As with interactions with an unfamiliar person, taking things with a pinch of salt is generally prudent.  It is important to remember online communications are after all a convenient but incomplete substitute for real direct human communication.

Taking time to know a person is important. With extended sessions of correspondence the person’s true nature will reveal itself.  It often takes more effort to tell consistent lies than to tell the truth.

If you had chatting with this person online for long period of time, feels safe to develop the friendship further. Suggest a meet up at a public place for lunch or coffee. Communication is multi-dimension and requires multi-senses. We could only know people better through face to face interaction. Nothing beats the real thing. With time and observation of how he/she interact with others, we could access if he/she is suitable, more effectively.

Anti-Bully

WKBT anchor Jennifer Livingston took a moment during 2nd Oct 2012's morning newscast to address a recent insensitive email from a viewer complaining about her physical size.

"To the person who wrote me that letter — do you think I don't know that? That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don't see?" Livingston asked in response. "You don't know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family. And you have admitted that you don't watch this show. So you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside. And I am much more than a number on the scale." She said, the hurt still raw in her voice.





I am so glad that she confronted the person who made critical, hurtful and stereotypical remarks.

Jennifer is a news caster, not a porn star. Why must she be slim? What is wrong with her size? Does being slim definitely equate being presentable? What has she done to make her a bad role model for young girls? Why can't women in media be appreciated for being kind, courageous and wise?

It is easy to pass sarcastic remarks to put others down. But victims have to take time, emotions and energy to recover from the scars. Some never get to recover as proper support is not rendered. Without healing, they might become defensive, dejected or detached. I wish people will be more mindful of the effects of their words.

I have friends who eat normal healthy portion per meal and exercise regularly, but they are still size XL. Due to career, family commitment and health reasons, it is not practical for them to go for extreme dieting. It would be unfair to judge them as being lazy due to their build.

If you want the best for someone you cared about, understand them before we give them comments. If certain areas can be improved, motivate them with grace. This is how we could treat people with care and respect. Saw this comment on Facebook and I so agree with what the author Jason said: Be a buddy not bully.

October is Anti-Bully month, let's spread this message to encourage words of kindness, acceptance and wisdom.

Too shallow to learn?

Are Singapore men shallow and arrogant?
Recently, actress Felicia Chin remarked that Singapore men are shallow and arrogant. Not all the local men I've met are such. I have come across many fun, gentlemenly and wise Singaporean men. However, I can understand why she said so.

1. Many ladies (both foreigners and local) have feedback to me that some local men lack conversation skill. In social setting, everyone is expected to socialise. But these men couldn't engage. It could be due to the following reasons:

• Limited conversation topics. They hardly read, unaware of current affairs. Thus they are short of content to keep the conversation alive.
• Low confidence and unable to express themselves well.
• When others try to get the conversation rolling, they are not keen to take part or do not know how to response. They are only interested to talk about subjects that they are keen in or talk to pretty girls. But without good conversational social skills, pretty girls will not go on date with them.
• Upbringing and environment. No good role model to learn social skills from.

2. I've heard local men who claimed that their ex-girlfriends dumped them as their earning power is lower than her expectations. But some of these ex-girlfriends explained that the break up was due to other reasons like clashing character, lack of understanding and communication, his passiveness, his bad temper and his unwilling to compromise. Instead of enquiring, reflecting and learning from the break-up, these shallow and arrogant men push the blame to their ex-girlfriends for being materialistic.

3. When shallow, low self-esteem men meet women are more outspoken, qualified, confident, outstanding and successful than them, they feel intimidated. Before getting to know these ladies, they labelled these ladies as high maintenance, demanding or unapproachable. They will not consider dating these women, and would prefer to date women who need them more, ie: women who are  financially or politically dependent on them to stay in the country. It made me wonder why these men go into relationship? Is it to have someone whom he can relate to and support each other emotionally? Is it for love? Or is it fill their void of self-worth? What kind of women will go for him? How is he going to manage if she becomes more successful than him eventually?

Singapore men are kind, down-to-earth and honest, I value these qualities in them. I’m writing this not to put local men down; but to give them hope and encourage them to better themselves. When there's a will, there's a way. My main concern here: Are local men willing to learn? Are they willing to be a better man?

There are many simple ways our local men could improve, eg: keeping updates on current affairs, reading up, getting a personal life coach and attending courses on communication with opposite gender and social skills. These will empower Singapore men to be more attractive, confident and connect with ladies well! I hope local men will become popular for desirable reasons.