14 May 2012

Too shallow to learn?

Are Singapore men shallow and arrogant?

Recently, actress Felicia Chin remarked that Singapore men are shallow and arrogant. Not all the local men I've met are such. I have come across many fun, gentlemenly and wise Singaporean men. However, I can understand why she said so.

1. Many ladies (both foreigners and local) have feedback to me that some local men lack conversation skill. In social setting, everyone is expected to socialise. But these men couldn't engage. It could be due to the following reasons:
  • Limited conversation topics. They hardly read, unaware of current affairs. Thus they are short of content to keep the conversation alive.
  • Low confidence and unable to express themselves well.
  • When others try to get the conversation rolling, they are not keen to take part or do not know how to response. They are only interested to talk about subjects that they are keen in or talk to pretty girls. But without good conversational social skills, pretty girls will not go on date with them.
  • Upbringing and environment. No good role model to learn social skills from.
2. I've heard local men who claimed that their ex-girlfriends dumped them as their earning power is lower than her expectations. But some of these ex-girlfriends explained that the break up was due to other reasons like clashing character, lack of understanding and communication, his passiveness, his bad temper and his unwilling to compromise. Instead of enquiring, reflecting and learning from the break-up, these shallow and arrogant men push the blame to their ex-girlfriends for being materialistic.

3. When shallow, low self-esteem men meet women are more outspoken, qualified, confident, outstanding and successful than them, they feel intimidated. Before getting to know these ladies, they labelled these ladies as high maintenance, demanding or unapproachable. They will not consider dating these women, and would prefer to date women who need them more, ie: women who are  financially or politically dependent on them to stay in the country. It made me wonder why these men go into relationship? Is it to have someone whom he can relate to and support each other emotionally? Is it for love? Or is it fill their void of self-worth? What kind of women will go for him? How is he going to manage if she becomes more successful than him eventually?

Singapore men are kind, down-to-earth and honest, I value these qualities in them. I’m writing this not to put local men down; but to give them hope and encourage them to better themselves. When there's a will, there's a way. My main concern here: Are local men willing to learn? Are they willing to be a better man?

There are many simple ways our local men could improve, eg: keeping updates on current affairs, reading up, getting a personal life coach and attending courses on communication with opposite gender and social skills. These will empower Singapore men to be more attractive, confident and connect with ladies well! I hope local men will become popular for desirable reasons.