Online Social Event Etiquette

During the Covid19 stay-at-home period, many matchmaking agencies switched to hosting online dating to continue getting singles to socialize. 💘 To keep up with times, I have included conducting video dating events in my event facilitating class. As I was preparing my course ware, an idea bulb illuminated! 🌟 Propelling me to share these 7 tips on attending virtual meetings here. The key purpose of these suggestions is to prepare attendees to project their best self during online social event.

Image by mmi9 from Pixabay 

Getting Ready
Some people feel nervous about meeting strangers. To minimize additional stress, participants could familiarize with the conference tools, position the lighting angle and test the internet speed before the event. When people are accustomed with the tools, they will appear more relax and confident. Select a quiet environment with minimal distraction to attend the virtual dating event. Put up a "DO NOT DISTURB" signage on your door or desk to prevent your family from disrupting your meeting. Fully charge your devices first if there are no electrical points at the selected meeting spot. Participants will be talking much throughout the online dating event, prepare a bottle of water.

Optical & Audible
First impression affects the chances of being asked for a future date. Wear tastefully for this social event. Selfie-ring light helps to lit your face so the other participants can see your expressions well during virtual meetings. Close the overbearing back-light if necessary. Keep good posture and position your camera so you appear in the center of your screen. Choose a tidy and cluttered-free background. Speak clearly to the microphone instead of the screen. Silent your mobile phone to prevent incoming sound notifications. Most people have a tendency to look at the screen. Look at the camera once in a while to "maintain" eye contact with the other participants. Attendees can get overly self-conscious as they can see themselves in the video conference application. One way to reduce such tension is to focus on the camera or the other participants instead.

Be on Schedule
Being timely shows that you are a considerate and co-operative person. Be punctual and keep to the ending time of the online event.

Optimal Connectivity
Some participants had to leave the meetings abruptly due to shortage of power. Video-conferencing can drain up a lot of power from your devices. Keep the charged power banks or electrical cables nearby. Switch off unused applications on your device to keep the video running smoothly.

Be Congruous
Similar to face-to-face social meetings, be courteous, respectful and friendly. Smile. Some people get too cozy and started to slouch or lie down during the virtual meetings. It is very inappropriate on first meetings. Get a comfortable chair which can support your back when you sit up straight. Avoid using abbreviations or profanities. Sending shirtless photos of yourself to show off sculpted abs or sharing the latest offensive viral videos are no-nos too.

Conversation Plan
At this initial stage of meeting new friends, the key purpose of these interactions is to discover one another's preferences, personality, outlook and vibes. Keep the conversation topics light, natural and appropriate as this is the first meeting. Brainstorm a personal conversation listing beforehand. Apply them to keep the dialogue going or pivot from stagnation. This list is extremely useful when you are meeting singles one-on-one in breakout rooms.

Sign-offs
Video-conference software can only pick up 1 conversation a time, it get confused when there are few people talking. Participants end up hearing bits and pieces of words incoherently. To ensure every dialogue is captured smoothly, let the others be aware that you have finished your conversation with “That’s all.” “Thank you.” “Let's hear from...” This prevent awkward interruptions or silence.

Hip Singles

I was conducting a singles networking party at a hip cafe when the barista whispered to me that he is impressed that my clients are so good-looking and he is surprised that they are single!

I agree that most of them are very eligible and they are single because their social circle had shrunk since they graduated from school. Good thing is that they realized it and made the effort to enlarge their social circle by attending Clique2click social events.

Let's hope these singles find someone special this season. :)

Happy New Year! 

Sunset Marriage

Morning Interview at 958 radio station on
Parental Matchmaking & latest marriage statistic in Singapore.

I was invited for an interview on 95.8 Mandarin radio station on the topic of marriage among the Singapore elderly. Based on the recent Singapore statistics, we see double the number of marriages in people aged 60 and above compared to a decade ago.

Statistics from WHO ranked Singapore number 4 in terms of life expectancy. Most Singaporeans lived beyond 82 years old. As Singaporean singles are living longer, what better way to lead their lives in the silver age than by developing a deeper relationship with someone that they like? Greater awareness on the benefits of emotional health also motivates singles in 60s to find a life partner.

During the interview, the DJ asked if having offspring is the key motivation for my Parental matchmaking participants. From the interactions with the parents that I met in my Parental Matchmaking sessions, surprisingly, their first concern is finding their single adult children a companion; I have not heard any parents mention about getting grandchildren. These parents found happiness in their marriage and sincerely hoped their kids would be able to find love, find someone to take care of them and settle down— just like themselves.

I am very heartened these parents and silver newly-weds see the importance of love and companionship. They didn’t give up searching despite their age. I encourage the silver singles to continue enlarge their social circle so as to meet someone suitable, caring and trustworthy.

We are conducting an event for singles age 35 and above on 15th December 2015. We welcome singles of this age range to join us! Our participants are Singaporeans, Permanent residents and Employment Pass holders. Please click here to find out more!

 

How NOT to ask a woman out

 

A lady gave me permission to share the screen captures of her conversation
with her admirer.

My comments are in red

A lady friend revealed to me she met a guy in a networking event. After that he had been messaging her over the phone. She is alright that he kept talking about boring IT gadgets topics and responded well towards him until he claimed he knows her age. So creepy!

It is a social boo-boo to ask about someone's age at the initial stage of knowing. For this guy in the above conversation, he talked so much to prove that he is knowledgeable and chatty. Instead of impressing the lady whom he wish to date, he end up irritating her! Needless to say, she turn him down. I must comment that she had been patient and polite towards him.

This lady and I hope that people will learn from this conversation; avoid common mistake while making new friends. This would help singles to enjoy the dating process better. :)

Satay

In 2011, a survey reflected that Singaporeans prefer Satay as the communion food for Singles day celebration.

This special day is especially meaningful to me as I am the first to revere this occasion in Singapore. I planned a High Tea at Suntec on 11 November 2007, about 50 singles attended. We even invited a drum band to add energetic vibes to the party.

Although we just lose our Singlehood, my hubby and I wanted Satay for supper to commemorate Singles Day. We drove aimlessly in Geylang and found Satay in a very crowded yet unassuming Kopitiam.

Kwong Satay

Well-featured and recognized

Address:
Sin Lian Eating House, 549 Geylang Rd, Singapore 389504
(Junction of Lorong 29 Geylang, below Hotel Yew Lian)
Opening hours: 5pm - 10pm. Closed on Wednesday.

Satay sauce with visible peanut bits

Recommends:
1. Chicken Satay – XL chunks of tender juicy meat!

2. Pork Satay – Charcoal grilled. Soft and juciy. Similar to the Chicken Satay.

Ambience: 5 out of 10

Cleanliness: 7 out of 10

Celebrating 11.11

Remarks:
My hubby likes the Mutton Satay but I find a little tough.
This coffee shop also housed the famous Hokkien Mee, so be prepared to wait a while for seats. Road side parking available.

Carnivore Women

I was back to MediaCorp to share my views on Carnivore women 肉食女 yesterday morning.

Carnivore women 肉食女 is a term coined to ladies born after 1980 who are diligent, goal-getters,  with successful careers. It originated from Japan. They adopt the work hard and play hard mentality and dislike wasting time. When Carnivore women are attracted to a guy, they boldly give chase.

With 2 bright and bubbly hosts of Channel 8's Good Morning Singapore.

Although Carnivore women are highly sought after by head-hunters, they are shunned socially, especially by men.

My casual collection of opinions from both gender  revealed Carnivore women are viewed as egoistic, outspoken, demanding, controlling and tough to get along. Some of interviewees would prefer to stay away from them, so as not to step on their tails lest risk getting in trouble with these Tigresses. I feel for Carnivore women as the flipside of standing out is being isolated and left alone.

One lady called the program hotline and commented "nothing wrong with being Carnivore women". There is nothing wrong with being smart and successful. In fact, I respect Carnivore women’s guts, brains and drive. Emotionally, they are just as human and vulnerable as anyone.

Possible reasons why ladies become Carnivore:

1. As our city gets more and more competitive, these ladies feel insecure and push themselves to excel so as to survive in their jobs. As such, they become very tense and determined to succeed.
2. Their parents favour sons than daughters; hence these girls seek achievements in school and workplace to prove their parents wrong.
3. They had been sexually discriminated before at their workplace, so they strive harder to validate their worth.
4. They are born with high ability and pride themselves as being successful since school days. They have not lost before and cannot bear to face losing. They feel the pressure to be on par or better than their contemporaries.

Due to their character or background, Carnivore women give themselves a lot of expectations and unnecessary pressures. It is not easy to be who they are. I hope that people will see them as someone who needs love and friends as well.

Dating Tips for Men who are interested in Carnivore women

Be confident of yourself, some of these ladies seems intimidating but are wise, reasonable and kind at heart. These ladies are looking for a relationship, not to EAT you up!

Ladies love men with humour, wit and conversational skills. Brush up on these areas and social skills as well.

How Carnivorous are ladies in Singapore?

In Singapore, most of the high achiever ladies are not full-fledged Carnivores. They might be aggressive in their career, but in dating, they are still very traditional and passive – they expect men to make the first move and earn more than them.

Some of these ladies dress very sexily, yet they put up an unapproachable front. Guys are confused with the mixed signals these girls project. They wonder if they should approach these ladies.

I feel that Singapore ladies have Carnivore tendencies but "Omnivore" at heart. As Singaporeans, we are less extreme compared to other nationalities. We would prefer to adopt a more moderate position socially.

Can Carnivore women become herbivore?

Yes. A wise woman knows the suitable hat to wear for different situation. I have seen high-fliers career women who act like a tigress at workplace, but become an adorable kitten in front of their hubby. They know when to affirm, pamper and be coy to him.

Should Carnivore women focus on dating Herbivore men?

Carnivore women + Herbivore men – this formula compliments both party. It works well when both could accept each other's strength and weaknesses. Another caller asked if Carnivore ladies could accept a house husband. If the husband is better at housekeeping and wife is better at her job, it is practical to let the wife continue to shine in her career. Whatever works for you and your spouse to maintain your nest. This should also not seem strange as developed societies continue to narrow gender inequality.

4 Dating Tips for Carnivore women

Expectations
Remove unrealistic expectations that have been placed on yourself. Forget about peer, society or family pressures in the evolving society of great freedom and decreasing gender barriers. Find out what your heart needs in a relationship. Would you prefer to be with a gentleman who makes you smile? Or a bore that earns more than you?

Relax
Being approachable, open-minded, polite and easy-going are desirable traits. Learn to relax, enjoy the date and let the connections flow naturally. On first few meeting, do not interrogate guys for their background or assets.

Subtlety
It is perfectly alright to initiate and ask a guy that you like out for a date. Avoid being too direct to express your desire or too eager to "seal the deal". Be patient and prudent to get to know each other first. You are finding a partner not a pair of shoes at the department store.

Balance
Embrace the truth that the outlook and attitude which works for your career does not work for relationship. Learn to compromise and be a caring, gracious and supportive lover. Activities like knitting and belly-dancing could bring out the gentle sensual side of you. Being able to achieve a balance in personality behaviour will help you to integrate better with others and that special person you are looking to spend the rest of your life with.

Fake or Real Personality?

Recently I have been interviewed by a magazine for tips to avoid jerks/fakes online. I offered the advice but felt more have to be touched on this topic...

What to do when you are approached by a stranger online and he/she sounds sincere, fun and friendly. Usual thing to do is an internet search on the person, access if the information given is authentic.

Before the internet era, we probably need to hire a private investigator or break into someone’s house to find compromising photos. Now people like to upload photos and information on social media. Making a person’s background more accessible. We get to know more about a person and his activities that he may have already forgotten. But do we really know them base on these scraps of content?

You might see this person a witty gentlemen while chatting on the net, but you also discover photos of him cross dressing as a mermaid in suggestive poses. But it does not necessarily mean that he has dual or conflicting personality. It will be too rash to block him immediately.

How many of us have done crazy harmless acts during a party or celebration; especially after some alcohol, but it does not reflect our usual personality. Does it mean we are bad? Should we be rejected because of these?

I have come across people who put offensive images on their social media account, speak like a gangster on the forums, but mummy’s boy at home.

Many of you are familiar with the boss who speaks like an angel to her husband over phone, but yells like a devil over the trivial stuffs in the office. If we could wear a different mask for different environment, then it is only logical that our online persona could be slightly different from our real personality.

Online offers an avenue for people to express themselves what they wish they could be in real life. The artificiality of non face to face communication offers confidence for some people to express a part of themselves not normally possible while for others, it is an easier platform to lie and exaggerate. In life, pessimistic as it may sound, the general rule is if something is too good to be true, chances are it is not.

Real life is not like a romantic commedy. As with interactions with an unfamiliar person, taking things with a pinch of salt is generally prudent.  It is important to remember online communications are after all a convenient but incomplete substitute for real direct human communication.

Taking time to know a person is important. With extended sessions of correspondence the person’s true nature will reveal itself.  It often takes more effort to tell consistent lies than to tell the truth.

If you had chatting with this person online for long period of time, feels safe to develop the friendship further. Suggest a meet up at a public place for lunch or coffee. Communication is multi-dimension and requires multi-senses. We could only know people better through face to face interaction. Nothing beats the real thing. With time and observation of how he/she interact with others, we could access if he/she is suitable, more effectively.

Communication

You are commanded by your boss to attend an industry networking party. You reached the party and did not find any familiar faces. Everyone is talking among themselves and you don’t know what to do to get to know new friends. You stand at one corner, feeling lonely, shy and clueless. How to network?

Your best friend invited you to be the emcee for his church wedding. You could not turn down his offer and wonder what to say to the wedding guests. You searched for ideas online and find the information irrelevant to Singapore’s context. You wrote a simple speech but somehow you started having butterflies in your stomach. You are afraid to mess up your best friend’s wedding. Panic! You wish there was a software you can buy, a button that you can press, to download your prepared speech into your brain and play when you wish to present it like Obama. You worried. How to host a wedding speech?

Whether it is networking or public oration, it is all about good communication. What is an interesting conversation? What is eloquent public speaking? What constitute effective communication? Based on my experience as an event faciliator and trainer, let me share with you what I’ve learnt in 3 points:

1. Organized
As we speak, we are presenting our thoughts, ideas and feelings. That is actually a lot of content for the audience to digest. Make it easy for them with an organized flow of information, from introduction of character, story, ending and conclusion. This will make it is simpler for the audience to comprehend the content. With appropriate usage of the English language, vocal projection, diction, body movement and pace between words, the quality of the speech is enhanced.

2. Engaging
Speaking is about connecting with our audience. Before we can achieve this, we have to get the audience’s attention first. Hence it is important we make the speech entertaining, enticing and palatable. It’s just like a chef putting extra effort to add garnish on the food, presenting it in the most delicious way so that people will buy his food.

Engaging speech comes in many forms. Besides laughter-inducing jokes, engaging speech can be in the form of sob sob melodrama or brilliant household tips that makes our lives easier. We make the speech entertaining to get audience’s attention, get them thinking and get responses! Key is to generate interest, illicit desired reaction and achieve our purpose. Which bring us to the last point Purpose.

Short yet effective speech to empower

3. Purpose
It is essential to attach a purpose to our speaking, so as to make the communication meaningful. There are many reasons why we speak. It could be about getting to know your date, sharing our life story to our little nephew, or telling our colleagues benefits of drinking alkaline water. We have to speak with a clear objective in mind. When we speak clearly, audience understands our message clearly. We could build relationships, expand our influence and inspire others.

Now you know the basics of good speaking, you realised good communication is achievable! Are you interested to see more live examples of eloquent speeches? Are you keen to practice your speeches and perfect your speaking skills? Do you want to be able to articulate on current affairs smoothly?

Good news is at toastmasters clubs you could! There are many Toastmasters club in Singapore. Personally I have benefitted greatly from it. Toastmasters have well-rounded course structure, conducive environment and encouraging members to motivate you to achieve this. You could also  sharpen your communication skills at your own comfortable pace. It is very affordable, eg: S$72 per term at Braddell Heights Toatsmasters Club.

With exposure, practice and support of your coach, you could make small talk in social events confidently, persuade your clients eloquently and present a speech on your best friend’s wedding elegantly. Let’s enjoy good communication skills together!

Anniversary party

 

About 150 turned up at Clique Wise's 6th Anniversary Party on 31 Aug 2012. Thank God!

It was an awesome networking party with healthy gender ration balance.
We are sorry to turn down the people who sign up last minute due to space constraint.
At this rate that we are growing, we will have to get a bigger venue for our next birthday party.

 

Celebrating this happy, exciting and fun occassion with us!

 

 

 

At the party venue located in Orchard.

 

 

To all our guests, supporters and well-wishers, thank you very much for believing in Clique Wise. We look forward to more chill-out parties, enriching activties and meaningful connections with you.

Niche Dating

Singapore's Chinese newspaper Lianhe Zaobao 联合早报 had approached me for an interviewed on the Dating Industry in Singapore. The article was published on 24 Aug 2012, ZB Now section, Page 1 and 3.

This comprehensive article mentioned that Dating Agencies are offering niche services to create unique selling proposition, add value to the singles and increase sustainability in the market. Besides interest-based activities, my company Clique Wise is offering age, income, religion and profession specific events.

Clique Wise's Paintball Gokart social event is catered for sporty, outdoorsy and fun singles.

Since I started online information portal Wow-her.com in 2004, I have been talking to singles during courses, events and coaching sessions. I hear their thoughts, feelings and feedback. Everyone is different and after most singles expressed the wish to meet people of similar background, values or lifestyle, I reckoned the need for facilitated group events. These social events gathers people of same interest together so that they could build lasting relationships from there. Hence I started Clique Wise in 2006.

"Dating agencies offer more personalised services, eg: during the dating events, Lydia would facilitate men to get to know other ladies appropriately. In addition, I've known Lydia for years, she has become a good friend; she will offer suggestions, encouragement and identify suitable ladies to me." Ben, a successful business owner who has tried online dating before switching to dating events. He met his current girl friend in Clique Wise's social event.


During the face to face interview, the humble, fair and wise reporter also asked me on the challenges that singles (who wish to settle down) face, I replied, "Singapore's society focus on meritocracy and materialism. Thus, we focus our energy on building our career to earn money, in hope of achieving success. If we have not attained the perceived success, we will not have the confidence and mood to consider dating, marriage or have offspring."

Relationships are a free and evolving thing and not a forced matter.  The one that wows and woo their partner to marriage is the individual. The one who pays the bills and taxes during the courtship and after the marriage are ultimately the individual couples. Thus having a healthy mindset towards commitment and a conducive environment to explore relationship is essential. Especially in today's fast paced world, these have been and are the challenges of courtship, marriage and child bearing in a free and open society. It is good that government recognizes the marriage and kids issues, but ultimately, it is a matter between singles tying the knot, not the government.

Clique Wise's seminar on social networking skills.

Besides running courses on self-improvement, dating and relationship, Clique Wise, also try to provide as conducive an environment that people need to build relationships and hopefully ending up in a marriage, within our limited means. We try to cater to diversity by trying to provide interactions between common interests as much as possible. It is unlikely people of conflicting interests, lifestyle and values on every level can find a compatible relationship.

Mr & Mrs Ong met through Clique Wise's Christian Singles social event.

We try to provide the avenue for people with some areas of commonhood to share, hopefully in depth and constructivity. In fact, our multiple genre approach (Religion, age, professional, income and interest groups) allows for greater interaction between ethnicity due to arranging common areas of interest. Over the years, people of same age group, hobbies and faith had met their spouse through our enriching events and tied the knot.

Clique Wise will continue to organise variety of interactive, original and fun lifestyle events to provide a platform for people to meet like-minded new friends and foster great relationships!