First Impression

A student interviewed me on the topic "First Impression for Dating" for her school project. I thought it would be wonderful to share what I've replied to her questions here as well so that more singles could benefit from it.

1. Do you think first impressions are important? Why / Why not?
Yes, creating a good impression makes people feel that you are friendly, pleasant
and safe to be with. When you have establish good impression, they would want to have the opportunity to know you more.

2. What are some positive and negative body languages you can take note of on a date?
- Posture that shows that he/she is at ease with themselves and their surrounding.
- Relaxed shoulder with straight back but not tensed.
- Good eye contact that shows interest in what their date is saying.
- Leaning slightly forward that shows interest.
- On on first dates, do not get too close as your date might feel that you are invading into their space.

3. How can a girl/guy leave a good impression?
a. Appearance – dressing elegantly during dates, without revealing too much or appearing as too sloppy.
b. Mannerism  – being attentive, appreciative, polite and gracious.
c. Body language – smiling naturally. Positive and friendly posture make people feel at ease with you.

4. What are the worst three impressions a girl would not want to leave for a guy?
1. Appearing as too princessy (demanding)
2. Emotionally unstable and needy
3. Slutty

5. What are the worst three impressions a guy would not want to leave for a girl?
1. Irritating, offensive with poor social skills
2. Con man
3. Persistent stalker

6. How would these impressions affect both parties in the long run?
If the impression was bad, you can only dream about having more dates with this person in future!

7. Is it possible to change the overall impression of a person even though the first impression has been made? How?
Apologize for inappropriate dressing or behavior and make sure that the mistake is not repeated again. Hope that the other party is gracious to accept your apology.

8. Do you think that good first impressions usually lead to a successful relationship?
It does affect possibilities to develop the relationship.

9. Should a girl change/fake to leave a good first impression?
We dress appropriately to life's different occasions to show that we respect the host and  ourselves. Similarly in dating, dressing well to create a good first impression is about presenting your best and making a sincere effort towards dating. We do not have to deck ourselves with branded bags or expensive jeweleries to shout that we have expensive taste – this might back fire and turn some people away. We only have to dress appropriately to show that we care to leave a good impression.

Happy Women's Day

To all the pretty ladies who had made someone smile. Happy Women's Day!

Anti-Bully

WKBT anchor Jennifer Livingston took a moment during 2nd Oct 2012's morning newscast to address a recent insensitive email from a viewer complaining about her physical size.

"To the person who wrote me that letter — do you think I don't know that? That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don't see?" Livingston asked in response. "You don't know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family. And you have admitted that you don't watch this show. So you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside. And I am much more than a number on the scale." She said, the hurt still raw in her voice.





I am so glad that she confronted the person who made critical, hurtful and stereotypical remarks.

Jennifer is a news caster, not a porn star. Why must she be slim? What is wrong with her size? Does being slim definitely equate being presentable? What has she done to make her a bad role model for young girls? Why can't women in media be appreciated for being kind, courageous and wise?

It is easy to pass sarcastic remarks to put others down. But victims have to take time, emotions and energy to recover from the scars. Some never get to recover as proper support is not rendered. Without healing, they might become defensive, dejected or detached. I wish people will be more mindful of the effects of their words.

I have friends who eat normal healthy portion per meal and exercise regularly, but they are still size XL. Due to career, family commitment and health reasons, it is not practical for them to go for extreme dieting. It would be unfair to judge them as being lazy due to their build.

If you want the best for someone you cared about, understand them before we give them comments. If certain areas can be improved, motivate them with grace. This is how we could treat people with care and respect. Saw this comment on Facebook and I so agree with what the author Jason said: Be a buddy not bully.

October is Anti-Bully month, let's spread this message to encourage words of kindness, acceptance and wisdom.

7 ways to stay youthful

During my events, I met many people. I’m surprised to find some of them look so much younger than their age. Being inquisitive, I asked for their secrets to maintain youthfulness. Besides drinking enough water to hydrate, keeping active and eating balanced diet, here are 7 golden tips that I've gathered. They are applicable to both men and women:

1. HAIR
Singapore’s humid and sunny weather increases sweat production and cause the scalp to feel greasy. Through my conversations with some youthful looking mature men with healthy head of hair, I discovered they have the common habit of shampooing their hair only once in two days. To keep it clean, they rinse their hair daily.

2. SKIN
Avoid harsh skincare products which can cause skin irritation, accelerate skin aging and make it look leathery. In order to choose the right skin care, identify your skin type and use suitable products. Your skin should feel clean not tight, itchy or dry after cleansing and toning.

3. WRINKLES
When you feel your brows are knitted together due to concentration, pinch your brows lightly to reduce stress and prevent vertical lines formed between the brows. Pinch the brows in an outward direction.

4. LIPS
When our lips are dry, we are tempted to lick it. This dries the lips further as saliva removes moisture. Apply lip balm instead. Carry it with you and apply it whenever you feel the need to hydrate your lips.

5. COLD SHOWER
If you can take it, cold shower water tones the body and activates the lymphatic system.

Get active and social!

6. MENTAL CHALLENGE
Engage your brain regularly– learn a new language, pick up new hobbies or read more books. It will brighten your thinking, up your mental abilities, empower you to react fast and prevent memory loss. Physical exercises strengthen your body. Likewise, mental exercises benefit your brain.

7. INTERACT
Youthful looking people has open, optimistic outlook and keep their energy high by interacting with others.  They enjoy talking to people and the chatting makes them more relaxed and joyful. Get social regularly to stay cheerful. You get to make new friends, stay in touch with old pals and family too!

Wedding

This gentle, kind and loving couple got together through Clique Wise social events on Feb 2010. 2 years later, they are happily married. I am glad to witness how their love blossoms! Thank God!

I have attended weddings of couples who have met through our events. I noticed that they have these characteristics:

• Easy-going, not calculative
• Gracious, polite, friendly
• Humble
• Positive, open to meet people
• Proactive

Their love story was featured in RazorTV as well.
Hope their joyful union inspires all to find bliss!

Journey

A lady posted this catchy quotation on her Facebook.

Forget about the pursuit of happiness. That way lies grief. Concentrate on the happiness of pursuit.

This is a quotation from the book "Psychology of Happiness", the author saw this quotation on a poster.

Thumbs up Hi-5* agree with this statement!
Too many times, we get too goal-oriented that we forgot to smell the roses that God has planted along the way.

This is especially real in relationships. Parents get so sucked into the system of "meritocrazy", kept pushing the kids for results that they miss the innocent fun of childhood. Couples get so engrossed in planning the perfect wedding, end up quarrelling and spoilt the joy of doing things together. Singles get so determined to win the most eligible mate that they kill the romance away.

Meritocracy is an ideology, perfect wedding only happens in fairy tales, eligibility is set by peers and society. Why let someone's ideology, someone's stories, someone's definition affect your pursuit of happiness?

I am not encouraging people to get distracted, go off course or lost direction. When we enjoy the journey, it lightens the stress of winning/losing. The irony is when we enjoy the process, we increase the possibility of winning! Eg: ladies has to enjoy talking with you before she will agree to go on dates with you right?!

All we have to do is take a step back. Breathe. Hear our heart's desire (Hint: usually it is simple, like spending a little quality time with our loved ones). Appreciate whatever we have and enjoy the scenery! Oh.. We might catch the rainbow along the way! J

How to be free from negativity?

I observed that negative people tend to dwell on their negative emotions. They reason why they should feel this way to keep the lousy feelings brewing. As they are negative, they tend to mix with like-minded people and it does not help elevate their situation.

When dealing with negative clients (from LoveAgain.sg), I ask the following:

• Does being negative improve any of your issues?
• Does it earn you more money?
• Does it make you attractive and approachable?
• Does it bring success in your relationships?
• Does it benefit your health?

When they recognised their negativity and are determined to remove this mind-set. I would suggest the following to free it.

1. Outdoor
Go out door and appreciate God's creation. Do simple outdoor exercises like jogging, swimming or simply take a stroll. Bask in sunshine, smell the roses and enjoy the sceneries! When we exercise (in moderation according to our stamina), we feel lighter, healthier and happier.

2. Hobbies

Pick up hobbies and sign up for events (CliqueWise.sg has variety of lifestyle events for both singles and public) that we always wished to try. Keep an open mind to acquire new knowledge/ skills/ experience. Put away the kiasu hat— the stress to win. Just enjoy the classes/ activities and feel the sense of accomplishment for gaining something new. In addition, we get to meet new friends alias activity partners to keep our leisure time occupied!

3. Appreciation

Visit an old-age home, terminally-ill patients in hospital or orphanage, and we learn to be thankful of whatever we have. If this doesn't rekindle any sense of appreciation, consider changing a new heart. :P

4. Food

We need food to stay alive. Likewise, we need spiritual food to feel alive. Read inspiring books on how people overcome challenges, achieve their dreams and be encouraged. Listen to uplifting music instead of emo songs. One of my favourite radio channels are FM91.3 and FM 99.5, I tuned in whenever I feel listless. 

5. Huge Dosage of Vitamin L
Laughter is one of the best medicine. It induced positive energy to our being, help us to see things creatively from other perspectives and heighten our sense of humour. Catch comedies, stand-up comedies, comics regularly to up our humour-meter. People likes to befriend folks with sense of humour (excluding black/ distasteful/ offensive jokes hor). With new friends, new found popularity; we develop confidence, self-esteem and joy!

Give thanks, smile and live it up!

Happy New Year!

Reflect and learn from 2011.
Forgive and live!
Let go and love!
May the days ahead be exciting, colourful and creative!
Let abundance of goodwill, peace and positivity be unleashed this coming new year!

Cheers to a Merry 2012!!!