5 June 2016

Friends to avoid if you want to get hitched

Friends or Foe! As much as our friends are the best wingman for us to get hitched, they can also be the worst barriers to dating. Whether you know it or not, some friends influence your attitude and behaviour towards dating.

These are the few unhealthy friend types that I have seen, sharing these so that you can prevent hindrance in your search for love.

1. Egoistic Maniac
Alpha who will put everybody down to make himself/herself look good. They would not admit that he/she needs help in any problem, including finding a future partner. He/she believes that they have the calibre for someone to just fall in love with them.

They will mock people who subscribe to dating services as they see that effort as desperate. Such attitude is so passe! Beneath the defensive shell, is the huge fear of losing face and low self-esteem. Proud people are often the most fragile and afraid to be lonely. So if you have a friend like that, do help them to get out of the singlehood by encouraging them to be tactful and socialise more. Let them know that dating events does not mean that you are desperate; it just mean that you are open to meeting like-minded people.

Their typical line:
“I don’t need dating services!”
“Isn’t it a bit too desperate to be going for dating services?”

2. Nit-Picker
People need friends who are willing to put on the “Relationship consultant” hat to offer a listening ear and most importantly; sincere dating advice for your emotional needs. Sometimes friends do offer sound advice as an objective individual.

However, you have to be careful when they start shoving their unrealistic ideals on your boyfriend or girlfriend. They often make you feel that your date is not worth your time and tend to emphasis more on his or her bad than good points. In short, he or she “ridicule” your expectations on life-partner.

Their typical line:
“If your boyfriend loves you, he will buy you that $8,889 bag!”
“If your girlfriend loves you, she will let you “geng MC” to play Dota!”
“If your partner loves you, she will reply your message in 5 minutes, even when she is at work.”

3. Moodsucker
You know the character Sadness from the movie Inside Out. Yes! Probably the only emotion in the person’s head. This character type is naturally pessimistic about things and have an ultra-negative outlook on relationships. To them, 99% of all marriages wind up in divorce. Every time you meet, they keep talking about failed relationships or marriages or XXX is homosexual, so depressing that they drain out all your hopes and joys of love. You get infected with their negativity and become closed-up to relationships. No mood to even dream about dating after every conversation with them.

Their typical line:
“All the good guys are either taken or gay“
“I’m going to die alone with 99 cats. “

4. Hinder in disguise
Although these mood suckers always say they want to get married, their actions contradict their words. Every time you meet them, they are always bringing the opposite sex down. Such friends keep reinforcing all the unappealing aspects of the opposite gender that affects your perspective on dating. 

When both of you attend social functions, he/she will hog on to you to prevent you from talking to others. Even when eligible singles approach you to try to know you, these blockers will project a repulsive body language (like rolling-their eyes or show a pitch dark face) to turn these people away. Consciously or unconsciously, they want you to stay single with them.

Their typical line:
“Guys ah, hopeless woodblocks, so clueless and insensitive to our feelings”
“Girls ah, only want to control you, don't let you drink and don't let you go out”

5. Pleasure-Seekers
These men and women usually spent like a filthy rich on sleazy pubs and bar host/hostesses. And they are not there to entertain their clients or celebrate their boss’s birthday. They patronise vices habitually to destress. They would tip these host/hostesses hundreds of dollars but would not spend a single cent on networking or dating services. They prefer to seek comfort in these host/ hostesses instead of finding a life-partner. I reckon they might be commitment-phobic, or have relationship issues with educated, independent people of the opposite gender. So they would rather burst their credit cards’ limit on host/hostesses who can satisfy their temporal need for companionship and boost their ego. They live by the motto that money can buy everything, including love. The best advice they can give you is to buy a bride. While we respect their lifestyle choice, the more you hang out with them in these places, the lesser your chance of dating good eligible singles.

Their typical line:
“Forget about dating or wooing women, let’s go to this KTV Lounge to have fun, the girls will entertain us!”
“Forget about marriage, let’s go to this host club to be pampered by cute smooth guys!”

6. Freeloaders
On evenings that are not “ladies night”, these women would hang around different tables at the bar and wait for the men buy them drinks. They regard men as tickets for free alcohol. They are more interested in getting freebies than meeting people. They main purpose to find male pleasure-seekers as mentioned above to milk as many things from them as possible. As their friend, you will have to get free drinks for them or buy them drinks.

Their typical line:
Nil. They hardly talk as they are busy drinking or fishing for freebies.

7. Nagger
The Nagger always say the same cliche lines but either don't apply the same words to themselves or they just NATO (No Action, Talk Only). If they are really concerned for your social well-being, they will try to do something constructive.

Their typical line:
“So old already, still haven't find boyfriend/ girlfriend. You want to settle down or not?”

If you realise that you are being a nagger or any one characters described above, Stop! Act on these to help your single friends instead:

  • encouraging them to be positive, pro-active and open-minded to meet singles in their search for suitable life-partner
  • introducing eligible bachelors or bachelorettes to them
  • pointing them to loving couples who stay married, help them to see happy marriage can be achieved
  •  referring them to sign up for dating services

These are what supportive friends could do, this list is not exhaustive. Feel free to comment/email me if you have more ways to help your single friends.