Scam Statistics

The recent statistics from Singapore Police Force shows an increased in crime rate especially in the area of scams. These scammers are really working hard, casting the net wide to cheat people of their hard-earned money.

Even though my relationship status is stated as married, I still receive invitation from fake profiles at social media almost every other day. I just met up with an ex-colleague who is single. She showed me her Dating App account, each profile shows a few photos and bare information of the person. It is tough to assess if they are genuine in the Dating App.

I told her the safest route to meet singles is to attend group events ran by Singapore's Accredited Dating Agencies, which have the procedure to check all their customers marital status at Registry of Marriage. I am glad she took my suggestion and joined a dating event conducted by one of my student recently. Sincerely wish her success in her search for love!

7 Film-Inspired Expressions of Love

7 Film-Inspired Expressions of Love

Discover your partner’s secret love lingo, and radically transform your couple life.

Ever wondered why you are unable to win the heart of your love interest, or why your long-term relationship seems to be stagnating? If you have been working hard at your relationship to no avail, your language of love may be lost in translation.  

While love is a universal need, each of us speaks and understands it differently. The trick is to learn what works best for your partner.

Each person has a few preferred ways of expressing and experiencing love. Learning your partner’s love lingo will help you better appreciate everyday gestures. It will also enable you to better express your love effectively and build a deeper sense of intimacy.

By analysing some of the best romantic movies of our times, we show you how to crack the love code. You will be surprised at how much more fulfilling your relationship can be.

#1 ACTS OF LOVE

Movie Inspiration: The Intern

New-age stay-at-home dad Matt gives up his career to support his wife Jules while she builds her e-commerce fashion empire. This good-looking SNAG cooks, cleans and cares for their daughter.

While most of us don’t have the luxury of quitting our jobs to support our partner’s dreams, small daily acts of kindness is one of the key ways practical people express love. It could be something as run-of-the-mill as ironing clothes, brewing herbal soup or taking the initiative to wash the family car.

If you are on the receiving end of such acts of love, be sure to show appreciation. More importantly, make an effort to reciprocate, and do it with love. This is especially relevant to husbands and boyfriends, since women still tend to do more household chores and shoulder more childcare responsibilities. In fact, some studies suggest that men who help out with household chores enjoy more and better sex.

#2 WORDS OF LOVE

Movie Inspiration: Shakespeare in Love

This film explores the fictitious and forbidden love between William Shakespeare and a noble woman Viola. Viola’s love for literature and theatre, as well as Shakespeare’s poetic love declarations create instant sparks.

There is tremendous power in constantly and openly affirming each other, especially for people who prefer to express and experience love verbally. Of course, not everyone is comfortable with dramatic love declarations, so there is really no need to recite a sonnet. A simple ‘I love you’ in the morning or at night can do wonders for your relationship.

Be generous with your compliments as well. If your partner looks wonderful in a new haircut or outfit, be sure to point it out. Or, if he cooks your favourite dish and picks you up at work, make it a point to tell him how much you appreciate it.

#3 INTELLECTUAL CONNECTION

via GIPHY

Movie Inspiration: Before Sunrise
Can you fall madly in love with a stranger? Apparently you can. Jesse and Céline meet on a train departing from Budapest and strike up a conversation. They end up spending the night roaming Vienna, and talking about love, religion and life. By the end of the night, they have fallen in love.

We are all drawn to people we naturally ‘click’ with. However, for intellectual types who appreciate witty banter, humour and the exchange of ideas, such connections are extremely important.

If your partner fits the bill, it is vital to engage him or her regularly. Discuss ideas, find common grounds, understand each other’s quirks, and don’t be afraid to tease and banter with each other good-naturedly. Making an effort to read widely also helps you remain intellectual equals and provides fodder for meaningful conversations.

#4 THOUGHTFUL GIFTS 

Movie Inspiration: The Terminal

Viktor, a Krakozhia refugee stranded at JFK International Airport, falls in love with a beautiful flight attendant Amelia. To woo her, he orchestrates an intimate dinner, and even miraculously constructs a majestic fountain with materials gathered at the airport.

Gifts can be powerful expression of love for some. But don’t max out your credit card on designer goods just yet. Take a leaf from Tom Hank’s character in The Terminal – a gift doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant as long as it is thoughtful.

Word of advice: since people in this category tend to value the time and effort put into gifting, don’t get lazy and just grab a gift voucher. Surprise your partner with tickets when his favourite band is in town, or present her with a rose during special occasions such as your dating or marriage anniversary. For extra brownie points, make time for gift-wrapping!

#5 TOUCH OF AFFECTION

Movie Inspiration: Ghost
In case you haven’t watched this oldie, it tells the story of a happy couple Sam and Molly who are suddenly separated when Sam is murdered. He returns as a ghost, and struggles to communicate with Molly who can no longer see, hear or feel him.

For some people, a gentle touch on the shoulder, pat on the back, hug and kiss can be extremely meaningful. It conveys physical affection and intimacy. It can also be very reassuring and help your partner feel secure in your love.

Do not confuse this with sex though – in fact, most of your interactions may not even take place in the bedroom. It could be something as simple as sitting close to each other while watching television, giving each other goodbye kisses or hugs every day, or holding hands. If you did not grow up in a family that practises such physical proximity, it might take some adjustments to make yourself available and accessible to your partner, but it will be well worth it.

#6 BONDING TIME

Movie Inspiration: Up

Who can forget the poignant and heartbreaking first 10 minutes of Up when Ellie and Carl met and fell in love? There were no noisy declarations or dramatic demonstrations of love. It was quiet, old-fashion love – they simply did everything together and grew old together.

Spending time to connect as a couple is extremely important for some. This could be as clichéd as having a date night every week, enjoying an evening walk together, cooking together, or enjoying a nightcap together daily.

Remember, the key is to ensure that you are spending quality time as a couple. In other words, turn off your smart phone, put down your iPad, and give each other undivided attention.

#7 SEXUAL INTIMACY

  

Movie Inspiration: No Strings Attached

As its name suggests, this movie is about two friends, Emma and Adam, who agree to be sex buddies with no strings attached. Naturally, they fail and end up falling head over heels for each other.

Sex is an important part of most relationships – it helps to keep the spark alive between couples so that they don’t start to see each other as roommates or friends over time. For some, it is also vital to convey love, acceptance and affirmation.

That said, don’t see sex as an obligation. Spice up your sex life by trying it in different places, experimenting with different positions, or even investing in some fun sex toys such as a fluffy handcuff or blindfold. Some excitement in the bedroom can create a deeper sense of intimacy and trust, and establish a stronger connection with your partner.

Hope this 7 expressions of love re-ignite your romance!

Qualities of good lover

Often, people would associate a desirable partner as someone young, pretty and well-endowed. Based on my years of relationship coaching and matchmaking, I find that physical attractiveness has little to do with keeping the long term relationship alive. After asking many happy couples on the essentials required to keep their lengthy relationship glowing, I gathered 9 attractive characteristics that good lovers embrace:

1. Faithful 

Adultery cuts the heart deeply. A good lover recognises the drastic effects of betrayal. As they cherish you, they try their best to protect your heart from being hurt. They give you the priority and commitment as their spouse.

2. Assuring

They reaffirm their love through words and actions. When you have done something wrong unintentionally, they are not over critical or condemning. They are gracious to give you the safety net to be imperfect. Besides accepting you for who you are, they make an effort to demonstrate their love, eg: cooking your favorite oxtail stew and giving you a massage after a tiring day.

3. Respect

• Personal choices
  Good lovers respect your choice. They will not force you to change your preference or do anything against your will. 
• Feelings
  As they would listen patiently without passing mean judgemental remarks; you know you could share your views and feelings with ease. They care enough to cushion their words with kindness so as to prevent hurting your feelings. They appreciate the efforts you have put in for them with encouraging words.
• Honor
  They sincerely honor you in their communications with you, they treat you with respect and love; not just in public but in private as well. I have a relative who would smile sweetly and agrees with her husband in public’s eye. Weather would turn completely when others are not around— She becomes cold and demanding toward him.
• Exclusive relationship
  They give you reverence by mentioning you to opposite gender whom they have just met. I've noticed people who evade their marital status so they could flirt around as if they are single and available.
• Ties
  They treat your friends and family with respect. They are supportive to attend social occasions together with you.

4. Trust

Partners with confidence in you would give you space to pursue your hobbies and enjoy some time alone. In the stressful city, you need time out to connect with yourself or your buddies. Good lovers are understanding but not self-absorbed in their insecurities.

5. Affectionate

Hugging is the simplest way to build people up emotionally.  Valuable lovers understand humans physical need to feel accepted and hug their partner liberally. My hubby and I give each other a number of loving hugs every day. We enjoy every magical moment of our embrace. In addition, we feel lighter and happier after each hug.

Good lovers are not detached or distant; they are comfortable to hold your hands or hug you without sex in their agenda.  They are more than willing to show the world their love for you and spend quality time with you too.

6. Stable

Being emotionally healthy; they are able to communicate their thoughts and feelings peacefully without staging any “drama”. In other words, they do not spite, wail, scream, threaten or slam things to get their point across. They avoid actions which are destructive to the relationship.

7. Teachable

They are open to evaluate themselves, listen to feedback, willing to learn new ways to better themselves and try new things to add sizzle to the relationship. Neither stubborn or self-centred, they have good self-esteem and humbleness to know they do not have to win every conversation. They are willing to compromise for the benefit of the relationship. And thoughtful enough to buy you a new wallet when they see that it's worn out. 

8. Responsible

They are involved in the home-making, holiday planning and parenting. They take care of their health and spend within their means. They are mature to carry themselves well and are there for you when needed. 

9. Humour

Humour is a amazing tool that helps people to relax and connect. Good lovers would joke and cheer you up at the end of day. You enjoy their sense of humour and they enjoy hearing your laughter. Most importantly, both of you are able to relax and revel in each other’s presence.

Please note that you do not need to have all these factors to have a wonderful lasting relationship. These are common points that I've found from my observations and discussions with couples. The keys to loving relationship are not exhaustive. 

4 Types of Lousy Lovers

I categorize 4 types of men to avoid in romantic relationships and offer advice for these men (in blue). As a fair person, I will cover on the types of females to avoid in my next post.


Natural Charmer — treat relationships as hobbies
Usually very good-looking, affectionate or sweet talker, the natural born Casanova genuinely love women, enjoy dating and wowing them. Because of his magnetic personality, ladies will approach him. His playfulness will prevent him from staying in a relationship.

He might settle down with a woman when he gets tired of changing partners. 


Wannabe — treat relationship as social tools 
Insecure and self-absorbed, women are objects to satisfy his lust and ego or validate his social worth. As he are very manipulative, he could get women and dump them who are no longer useful to him without blinking his eyelids. He does not treat women with care, love or respect. Love scammers belong to this category. They will keep lying to suck more money from women.

He needs guidance to fill his deep emotional void and develop healthy perspective about females and relationships.

Self-proclaim expert — treat relationships as qualification
Being eligible, he could go into relationships with ease, however he could not maintain it for long due to his jaded arrogance, unwilling to compromise and lack of self-evaluation. He tend to complain and conclude that women are difficult based on the huge number of ex-girl friends he had. He feel that having more ex-girlfriends than usual people qualifies him to judge women and reject feedback from others. People like him makes me ponder "does having more ex make you a better lover?" More does not equate better.

After he consider others feelings plus feedback and get healed from his stubborn ways, he might become the love expert that he claims to be.


Faithful on paper — treat relationship as room mates bound by social contract
Neither good-looking, charming nor loving, he remains with the spouse for decades not because of love; but simply because of convenience or lack of better alternatives. Outsiders might see him as faithful to remain in marriage but his partner view him as unappreciative, uncaring and irresponsible. His wife have tried to encourage him to be romantic but he is too bored to be bothered. His sense of commitment is paper thin, as he does not provide any form of support to the marriage —  doesn't helping out at home during his off days, does not attend family birthdays or festivals nor shower the family with attention, gifts or money. He is busy with his own life. Men in this group are emotionally, physically or financially uninvolved towards their family. It can be unbearably lonely to be married to him.

He has to find out the causes for his need to be detached from his loved ones and deal with it.  He has to recognise that conscious effort has to be made for a marriage to glow. Women are easy to wow if he sincerely cherish his long time partner. Putting a little effort and creativity would add happy spice to his mundane life, put smiles on his partner's face and win him the golden title of a good lover!

8 Sure Ways to Snuff Out Romance

Valentine’s Day is here to remind us to cherish our partner and set aside this day to celebrate with them. At times, we are too caught with the stress of living that we neglected the purpose of this special day. Romance is like candlelight that needs to be maintained with gentleness and care. Snuff out the flame and more efforts would be required to re-light the fire again. Thus, be aware of these behavior that could extinguish the tender feelings silently…

1) Critical
The chicken should be marinated longer...
You shouldn’t use plural whenever you use the word…
You should shave...

Some perfectionist got so WHINY, not only they spoil the mood, they miss out on the fun of the occasion totally. In the bible, Jesus confronted Martha for fretting over the small stuffs and direct her to focus on enjoying his companionship instead.

Nit-picking on the smallest details frustrates people, especially the person who plans the date. The partner felt the critic had undermine the sincerity and efforts that was put in to plan the date. Feeling unappreciated, I wonder if their partner will ever try to romance their demanding partner again…


2) Calculative
Being calculative over the amount spent on your date just spells out loud that your fear of being shortchanged super exceed the love for your partner. That said, everyone hopes their efforts would be reciprocated with appreciation.


3) Dishonest
Imagine constantly trying to catch and match the consistency of the words and actions. It can be very tiring to date a chronic liar. Without trust, how can your date let their guards down and let the loving feeling glow?


4) Unfaithful
Victims of unfaithful partners would be too consumed with bitterness to appreciate any romantic gestures. Some adulterers are unaware of the hurt they have caused their partner; they thought that an expensive bag or dinner would do the trick of rekindling the love. Not so easy! The key to reconcile is to sincerely apologize and repent. Feelings of betrayal and anger have to be appeased before any romance can be established.


5) Insecured
Am I attractive? 
Am I fat?
Do I look good in purple?
There are folks who are so self-absorbed with their own issues and insecurities, they fish for compliments and assurances throughout the entire conversation. Their date end up feeling used as a tool of validation.


6) Offensive
No matter how sexy you think you are; being rude, loud or inconsiderate utterly puts people off.


7) Yo Brother! Hey Sister!
Do this only when you wish kill every possibilities to kiss him or her (applicable to Christians too).

By acknowledging your date as a sibling, you are putting your date into the “friend-zone”. He or she will get the drift and AUTO log-out of “romance mode”. Any idea of romance thereafter would suggest incest. Eeks…


8) Spoilt
Princess or prince wannabes think that by being unrealistically demanding, it will keep admirers on their toes to impress them.

Winning the heart of these haughty might seems challengingly fun for the admirers at first. Over time, it can be very demeaning to be the slave. Once these admirers realize they are looking for an equal partner (to love and support each another), and not a royalty to please. Poof!!! They will scram for freedom!


Hope these 8 tips gives you a better picture of an enjoyable Valentine's Day with your partner.