Golden Days

Trust God's golden goodness overflowing abundantly in our lives.

During coffee shop talks, it is so easy to compare and lament how affordable standard of living was, and easier to earn a living during the 80s and 90s... While these "Good Ol' Days" conversations may seem harmless, constant exposure might affect our mindset in the long run— causing us to be more skeptical, uneasy and fearful.

Today, I woke up and saw the STI dropped. My waves of thoughts start to turn choppy. I felt the desire to pray and God reminded of me Psalm 23.6 — an uplifting, assuring promise that gives a mighty sense of tranquility. I felt much at ease after reading it and God prompted me to create the above poster to bless the folks online. 

Now that I am better aware, whenever I hear bad news, I would chose to focus on this precious promise of His and envision His bountiful supply of grace to continue to overflow in all my days. Hope this verse blesses your days too.

Parental Matchmaking

Took a quick photo at Singapore Turf Club before the parents come

Parental Matchmaking (家长相亲会) is a session for family members to network with each other, and exchange details of their single adults family member. It is up to the singles to follow up and develop the relationship from there. 

When running the 4th Parental Matchmaking session today, I received a pleasant surprise! An elderly lady gave me a big mama hug. Aw... So sweet of her! Ultra encouraging to feel appreciated and loved.

Another beautiful thing about this lady is – her daughter. She signed her parents up to attend today's Parental Matchmaking! Cool eh! Unlike some singles, this eligible bachelorette is very open to her parents joining this event. She is an established busy career women with limited singles in her social circle and industry. And she is more than grateful that her mother could network on her behalf! What a blessed, appreciative and confident lady!

Having ran Parental Matchmaking for years, it is always very heartwarming to see parents enjoy strong ties with their adult children. These wonderful parents could relate so well with their children, that their adult children could entrust them to help enlarge their social circle and hopefully find marital bliss. During the first 3 sessions of the Parental Matchmaking, some of these singles even attended with their parents.

Before this elderly lady left, she has asked me to keep her updated of my singles events so that her daughter can join. Totally adore her loving, positive and proactive attitude!!! She is happy to be able to help her daughter meet more friends. I wish to meet more supportive folks like her.

How NOT to ask a woman out

 

A lady gave me permission to share the screen captures of her conversation
with her admirer.

My comments are in red

A lady friend revealed to me she met a guy in a networking event. After that he had been messaging her over the phone. She is alright that he kept talking about boring IT gadgets topics and responded well towards him until he claimed he knows her age. So creepy!

It is a social boo-boo to ask about someone's age at the initial stage of knowing. For this guy in the above conversation, he talked so much to prove that he is knowledgeable and chatty. Instead of impressing the lady whom he wish to date, he end up irritating her! Needless to say, she turn him down. I must comment that she had been patient and polite towards him.

This lady and I hope that people will learn from this conversation; avoid common mistake while making new friends. This would help singles to enjoy the dating process better. :)

Qualities of good lover

Often, people would associate a desirable partner as someone young, pretty and well-endowed. Based on my years of relationship coaching and matchmaking, I find that physical attractiveness has little to do with keeping the long term relationship alive. After asking many happy couples on the essentials required to keep their lengthy relationship glowing, I gathered 9 attractive characteristics that good lovers embrace:

1. Faithful 

Adultery cuts the heart deeply. A good lover recognises the drastic effects of betrayal. As they cherish you, they try their best to protect your heart from being hurt. They give you the priority and commitment as their spouse.

2. Assuring

They reaffirm their love through words and actions. When you have done something wrong unintentionally, they are not over critical or condemning. They are gracious to give you the safety net to be imperfect. Besides accepting you for who you are, they make an effort to demonstrate their love, eg: cooking your favorite oxtail stew and giving you a massage after a tiring day.

3. Respect

• Personal choices
  Good lovers respect your choice. They will not force you to change your preference or do anything against your will. 
• Feelings
  As they would listen patiently without passing mean judgemental remarks; you know you could share your views and feelings with ease. They care enough to cushion their words with kindness so as to prevent hurting your feelings. They appreciate the efforts you have put in for them with encouraging words.
• Honor
  They sincerely honor you in their communications with you, they treat you with respect and love; not just in public but in private as well. I have a relative who would smile sweetly and agrees with her husband in public’s eye. Weather would turn completely when others are not around— She becomes cold and demanding toward him.
• Exclusive relationship
  They give you reverence by mentioning you to opposite gender whom they have just met. I've noticed people who evade their marital status so they could flirt around as if they are single and available.
• Ties
  They treat your friends and family with respect. They are supportive to attend social occasions together with you.

4. Trust

Partners with confidence in you would give you space to pursue your hobbies and enjoy some time alone. In the stressful city, you need time out to connect with yourself or your buddies. Good lovers are understanding but not self-absorbed in their insecurities.

5. Affectionate

Hugging is the simplest way to build people up emotionally.  Valuable lovers understand humans physical need to feel accepted and hug their partner liberally. My hubby and I give each other a number of loving hugs every day. We enjoy every magical moment of our embrace. In addition, we feel lighter and happier after each hug.

Good lovers are not detached or distant; they are comfortable to hold your hands or hug you without sex in their agenda.  They are more than willing to show the world their love for you and spend quality time with you too.

6. Stable

Being emotionally healthy; they are able to communicate their thoughts and feelings peacefully without staging any “drama”. In other words, they do not spite, wail, scream, threaten or slam things to get their point across. They avoid actions which are destructive to the relationship.

7. Teachable

They are open to evaluate themselves, listen to feedback, willing to learn new ways to better themselves and try new things to add sizzle to the relationship. Neither stubborn or self-centred, they have good self-esteem and humbleness to know they do not have to win every conversation. They are willing to compromise for the benefit of the relationship. And thoughtful enough to buy you a new wallet when they see that it's worn out. 

8. Responsible

They are involved in the home-making, holiday planning and parenting. They take care of their health and spend within their means. They are mature to carry themselves well and are there for you when needed. 

9. Humour

Humour is a amazing tool that helps people to relax and connect. Good lovers would joke and cheer you up at the end of day. You enjoy their sense of humour and they enjoy hearing your laughter. Most importantly, both of you are able to relax and revel in each other’s presence.

Please note that you do not need to have all these factors to have a wonderful lasting relationship. These are common points that I've found from my observations and discussions with couples. The keys to loving relationship are not exhaustive.