With Radio DJ Janice Teo
I was invited to 938Live radio station for an interview in the program Need to Know. I spoke on the topic rejection management and heart break therapy.
Here is what Janice and I have discussed on rejection management:
Why did you set up LoveAgain.sg?
I see the importance of heart wellness. Scientific truths show inter-relationship between the heart and the body. Emotive issues are severe enough to damage our body if left unchecked (eg increase heart failure and doubled the risk of asthma development). Hence I set up LoveAgain, we specialise in helping the broken-hearted deal with their loss.
LoveAgain.sg is a consultancy which conducts personalised coaching session for individuals to strengthen their emotional wellness.
When we are sick, we see doctors. When our emotions are hurting, we see trained coaches/counsellors to help us manage our emotions and ease the heartache. Heart aches can take many years to heal, when proper help is rendered, it can speed up healing by up to 75%.
About LoveAgain's research on managing rejection
In a rejection management survey done by LoveAgain last December, an overwhelming majority (70%) of those surveyed have actually experienced some form of harassment before, be it offensive content, someone trying to ask them out for a date or from an annoying ex – friend/lover.
38% simply ignore the advances hoping they would give up eventually. 13% claimed dating someone else. However the same cannot be said if the person was on the receiving end of being rejected. 32% would rather be told straight in the face “No” while 31% would prefer a slightly gentler yet no less honest approach saying they were only regarded as a pal and simply no further. This is in contrast to only 22% who wanted to be given the excuse that the other party was busy!
The perspective from each side
It can be sweet, elating and fun receiving 30 SMSes/calls a day from someone you like, but sometimes one may not appreciate the oncoming advances expressing affection.
A lady told me she felt disturbed to receive unsolicited SMSes/calls from men she have no intention of developing the relationship to the next level. She usually ignores them as she does not want to hurt their feelings. Also she does not know how to turn them down. If she happens to meet them on the street she will feel embarrassed and shun these guys.
An eligible ex-client said: "I have met ladies whom I had good chats and exchanged contacts. Yet when I initiated to ask them out just to know them more as a friend, they didn’t reply. It kept me wondering what had gone wrong that causes them to ignore me. I felt discouraged. I wished they have said ‘I see you as a friend but hope you find someone more suitable for you.’ I would have felt better with a proper closure. Luckily I took Lydia's advice not be affected by these incidents but to foster positive thoughts and I continue to socialise. Eventually I met his lovely wife. We got married last year."
How to reject
When someone approached you for a date, reply them graciously even if you are not keen to develop the relationship to the next level with them. Avoid ignoring, mocking or leading the person on.
Singapore is pretty small, you might meet the person again. Give a proper closure, you could say “I see you as a sibling, hope you find someone who deserves your love.” The person will have more respect for you. It shows that you are gracious, tactful and have good upbringing.
How to handle rejection
Do not see it as a personal rejection. The person might have specific criterias like matching lifestyle or values when it comes to looking for a date/partner. You just happen to be different from what they want.
How to know when to be persistent or back off
56% defined harassment as anything more than 3, but less than 15 unsolicited SMSes or calls in a day. Anything above 15 is considered as threatening. The receiver is ready to make police report! If there are no reply after 3 tries, delete the telephone number and move on! No lost!
How have expectations with social graces evolved?
Expectation in social graces has evolved with times. As we are bombarded with lots of information daily, threshold for unwanted attention has lowered. What used to be regarded as persistence in expressing one's love and affection for another is now more commonly deemed as harassment.
How do coaching sessions update an individual’s social skills or ‘dateability’?
These dating courses enable singles to be socially more aware of the current dos + don’ts and identify their blind spots. Takes a wise, socially sharp and experienced person to be able highlight the rooms for improvement. With knowledge comes confidence. And being confident is an attractive quality!
For more information about LoveAgain, please visit www.loveagain.sg
